6:15 PM

The Baby Bump

Well now we have been bumped up the line again, because the Thai Red Cross has decided to keep thier quota at 5 regardless of what others are doing and because we meet thier stricker criteria (must be married and under 40) we got bumped up to the 2011 list, basicaly back where we started with our dosier going to Thailand Spring/Summer of next year. Great news, but one heck of a roller coaster ride this month.
So if you are keeping track of our baby bump so far it has been home in 2014, home in 2015, home in 2014 and now home in 2013/4 ?!? Bumped back, bumped up, bumped up.

The moral of the story is never take a later spot on an international adoption time line, your child will not be home when the projected time line states. I was a fool to think there could ever be such a problem as my daughter coming home "too" early. I will just count my lucky stars when she does get home and deal with any time conflicts when the time comes.
Secondly it is entirely possible to fall in love with particles in space who will become your daughter in 3-4 years time. When people tried to comfort me by suggesting looking into another country, or trying to get pregnant I just looked at them like they were crazy. You see Elora is a Thai child, so she could not come from another country, she could not even come from my belly, it was just not possible. To me it would be like saying well you lost your son but you could still get another son from somewhere else, don`t worry.
Elora is safely back in my day dreams where she belongs, and all is good here. Looking forward to enjoying the spring and summer with my honeys, drama free.

8:35 AM

phew, the sky is not falling

Okay I guess I was a bit of an alarmist in my last post. After speaking to my adoption agency I feel much better about our time lines. Really though with the world of international adoption just melting at our feet, closures and delays are the norm now, can you blame me for having a chicken little view of it all?
Here is the update:
Our file will go to Thailand in early 2012, we are on the top of list to move up if any one before us drops off the list. This is not the first slowdown we have seen from Thailand, apparently this same situation happened in 2003 and resulted in an over all speed up. They are over whelmed so they request less files, rather then implode. Basically we spend more time waiting for our file to go, but then less time having it stay in Thailand getting dusty in a pile. I was also happy to hear that the slow down is a lack of infants available for international adoption. I was really heart sick over the idea of kids just waiting because of red tape, but this is not the case in this situation. I have been assured that we will still have Elora home some time in 2014, as a worst case scenario. This is great news, but just to be prepared I am thinking more like early 2015 because I don't want to pin all my hopes on this prediction. Some of the best advice I ever read was to avoid stress by simply planning for it. When you know a situation is going to be hard and stressful make a plan ahead of time so that you can combat this "predictable stress" and save your energy for the real whoppers that you did not see coming. I practice this daily, at work I always schedule 30 minutes a day just for these surprise deadlines or disgruntled clients. Knowing I have the cushion helps keep me calm, and if I don't use it by the end of the day, I just enjoy a coffee break instead. So I am adding in my adoption time line cushion.
This whole process has already shown me how much Elora is a part of us, how much we love her already. More then I thought possible, but loving too much can't ever be wrong, so I just have to keep my patience and my faith till she comes home.

8:48 AM

Dear Thailand, please don't break my heart

We got word from our agency yesterday that the doors to Thailand are slowly closing. A few weeks ago I read on other blogs that there was a halt on all 2010 applications, but our agency assured us that we were not included in this stoppage. Now the news that we unfortunately are and even worse all future years quotas (we are at the top of the 2011 quota) have been reduced from 10 per year to 3. Since 7 of the 2010 are in line above us, this bumps us to the 2012 quota, around a year and a half later then we planned, moving our homecoming with Elora to 2015/2016.
Do I ever feel stupid for voluntarily going on the 2011 list when there were spots on 2010. I have been following the trends in international adoption for 4 years, I know better then to believe the posted time lines, I should have just jumped in and planned for this inevitable slow down, but at the time our son was just 3 months old and it seemed too fast to be full steam ahead on his sister when we were such new parents, it seemed prudent and responsible to wait.
I had a good cry about it last night. It became so clear how much she is already part of the family. We just got a new family sized car to fit two car seats, her room is planned in my head, her first savings account is opened at the bank, there is a drawer where I tuck away cute little things I bought her. We are already a family of "almost four" in so many ways. She is a little part of our every day. Please Thailand, don't take her from me. I can swallow a longer wait, if I have to, but please don't take her from us.
The universe wants to teach me a lesson. Make me face what I fear most. One main reason I avoided domestic adoption is to avoid this very moment when you have already fallen in love, and some one else has the power and the right to keep the one you have already given your heart to. How do you recover from that? Now here a country may still put me through this trial. Worst of all, I can not appeal to a country and tell them my hearts wish, to assure them that I will do all I can to care for her and love her, that I am the right choice. I can not do any thing.
Here lies my first challenge my fist release of control. I am not sure I can do it just yet, but there is no other choice.

(post script note)
For those of you unaware, Thailand has a quota of parents that they will accept each year, each country has a quota and each agency in that country has an assigned share of that quota. The goal is to promote inter-country domestic adoption and to limit the amount of international adoptions and the paperwork that goes along with them with an ultimate goal of preserving the limited resources at the orphanages.
They say it is a good sign that Thailand recognizes they are overwhelmed now and are slowing rather then continue full speed ahead and come to a complete collapse. This collapse can be seen in many other countries that have caused a complete and sudden shut down of the program. This is what I fear is coming, but there is some hope that this slow down will prevent the collapse.