5:30 PM

An Amazing Parent

My husband is an amazing father. I really want to celebrate him but have you noticed how father's day cards seem to give dads awards just for showing up? I know that the modern father who is involved, affectionate and mom's rock is a very new concept but that is the man I have and I want to celebrate EVERY thing he does.
He is the best dad ever because:
* He does not just do the fun stuff, and he understands that some of your best parenting moments can actually come at 2 am in the morning with a sick baby
* He is an expert when it comes to his own kids, he has always had a knack with getting the baby to bed, and has way more patience than I ever will.
* He is a domestic god, and that is sexy
* He helps with out being asked, that means he does not have a nag for a wife
* We agree on how to parent, We are a united front

This is so much more impressive because he was not a natural born nurturer. In fact before we had a child I think we both had serious doubts about his daddy abilities. It became evident from pretty much day 1 that not only did he have what it takes but that he was head and shoulders above the other new dads we knew. I has not a single complaint at the mom group when it came to my partner. Simply because he has always been a true partner in this adventure.
I think maybe part of it was that I had high expectations of him. I am not sure why I had these expectations, I only had a so-so dad, an absent minded professor type. I just knew that as a team we could "have it all", but we could never get there alone, so I expected a dad who could share it all 50/50. The fact that I got more than my wildest dreams in this department makes me over the moon happy, and so confident to parent our little girl. We can do anything together.
I want to say happy father's day to an amazing parent, who is much more than just a dad.

3:53 PM

Deep thoughts

There have been some big conversations in the blogging/adoption world and I have really wanted to chime in, but I am not finding much time for blogging. I know I could be working on my blog instead of obsessively checking for new rumors, or obsessively calculating how long till the next match day and then all the what if’s that follow after, such as will she fit the hand-me downs we have, will I potty train squeeker before her referral?
Okay, Okay Okay enough, of that. We already did a post about my adoption OCD and my irrational fantasies.
Two things have happened recently that really affected me.
The first being the very sad death of baby Esther, who was waiting in China for her mom and dad to pick her up, when she died. This is of course every parent’s worst nightmare, but it has also scared the begeezus out of me. I just cannot imagine how hard that must be. I know a tiny bit about grieving for a daughter that you have never even touched, I know that the rest of the world may not really understand the pain that this death caused her parents, simply because the world does not really understand adoption. This story is so scary and hits to the very core of all of our fears. To see that precious girl and family torn apart just makes me so angry too. I wish that the wait times, after referral were faster, more like the NSN time lines. I just wish that there was a precedent for expediting children who are known to be medically fragile. I feel so helpless, the system is really flawed, and I am about to put my heart into it, and I realize that that system cannot be counted on to protect me or my daughter.
Secondly, there has been a great buzz about searching for birthparents in China. We have weighed all the options, and we have decided to search, and to begin searching as soon as we are matched. I know that this is controversial, but we feel it is in the best interest of both families and our daughter. Only time will tell if we are successful and how this impacts our family, but we are sure that we must act, and that we must act now.
I have just finished reading “Message from and Unknown Mother”. I feel the book has prepared me to be ready to hear many different scenarios for our child’s relinquishment. To my surprise there is much more at play than simply the one child policy, including substantiated claims of abduction. Part of searching really also calls on us as parents to be ready to accept the role we play. There is a cause and effect element, and we are now a part of a supply and demand chain of events. I am still unsettled by this reality, but I feel searching will help us to close the wounds for everyone involved.