6:53 PM

How does she do it? Part 1

Since no one wants to hear me whine about the wait. And since I can't talk about the wait with out whining, (even the good things, like booking our plane tickets!) I am going to talk about something completely diffrent.
There has been a lot of talk around the mom blog universe about cutting your self some slack, ridding your self of the guilt, and just letting it be. Maybe I was born with no guilt gene, maybe it was because I came from a big family and kids are mostly second nature to me, but I have an amazing balance in my life. I have a real me, that is not associated with motherhood, I have pride and confidence in my mothering and I have a pretty great relationship with my husband as well. I am pretty sure I have all these things because of my one (not so)secret weapon.

I cheat.

Shhhh don't tell social services. I am a corner cutting, time saving, slacker, cheat. If there is a faster way to do it I do. My OCD husband calls it lazy. Maybe that is the true motivator, but who cares as long as the job gets (sort of) done. And here is the kicker ladies, I am proud of my cheating, the more corners I can cut the happier I am. The following are tips on how you can cheat and love it too. :)

Multitasking

Oviously if you can do more than one thing at a time you are two steps ahead. As moms this is something we are doing all the time, but there maybe more ways you can carry this skill forward. Here are some of my favourite ways to multitask.

  • Pole Dancing Fitness. Okay when you are done being shocked stop giggling and hear me out. Pole dancing is great exercise, it works every muscle in your body ever lifted yourself upside down into the splits? I have. It's fun and it's hard to do, so it's weight lifting and cardio together. Also it's small classes with only girls, I get a dose of girly girl time at each class, oh the things we talk about. Are you blushing yet? Also for me all that fun dancing around to sexy music usually makes me friskier than usual and that will help keep my relationship happy. This one hour class makes it my #1 multitasker because it gets four jobs done, all of which I have a real hard time getting done or finding time and energy for. This is a weekly escape that keeps mama happy, and that of course in turn keeps the whole family unit happy.
  • Slowcookers. Since your crock pot cooks all by it's self you can be doing any thing and still be cooking. Now when I said I cheat, one thing I don't like to cheat on is the food I feed my family. I like to home cook for them. But my definition of home cooking is pretty wide. I love pre-made sauces and keep a fridge stocked with them, I just pour some on frozen chicken toss it in the oven, microwave some rice and frozen veggies and voila, diner, home made. Here are some slow cooker tips to make an easy way to cook even easier. Any of those recipes that call for you to cook your meat or noodles before you put them in the slow cooker are really missing the whole point. I have successfully not cooked those things first in all those recipes by simply adding more liquid and/or increasing the cooking time or heat. I just wing it, and it usually works, maybe it's not as great as the original, but I'd never know because I am not going to take the time to do work my slow cooker should be doing for me! Ever. Another great tip is to toss in your meat frozen, if you have to leave it unattended for more than 6 hours I would recommend that, it keeps your meat more tender and the ice melts and keeps your sauce from drying out too much.
  • Communal bath/showers. We shall see how this works with multiple kids, but I love to just toss the toddler in the shower with me. I have been doing this since he was tiny, he would sit in the bumbo while I had my shower. We still bath together too. Now you may be thinking, but my shower is my time, I don't want to share. I agree, and that is why I only wash the kids once a week. Okay I told you not to tell the social workers! They get a sponge bath all the time, I love baby wipes. I just only do the all out sudsy dunk'em type weekly. I swear my kid is not gross because of it, and his skin does not dry out. They are also such a novelty to him I use them as the biggest bribe and he will happily splash for a good hour, while I listen to my ipod.
That's all for now, but I have more tips to share. Stay tuned.

5:29 PM

Changed

Somewhere at some point in this journey, this wait, I changed. On a fundamental, cellular, massive level I changed. But I guess I didn't know I was changing, until just now when I looked back and saw how different I am. I used to be so angry, I used to be so closed, I used to be defensive and judgmental. Along the way maybe first I started to not like those things in others, and then they also somehow started to melt away from me.
I have always welcomed adversity, I believe strongly that it has made in me the qualities I admire most in my self. I wanted my parenting experience to be full of adversity, and I wanted that for my husband and my children too. I know that makes me wierd, that I don't feel like my children should only ever have sunshine and lollipops. But I guess you just don't really get it until you have seen your own strength and the power that can have on your whole existence. You never want it when you are in it, but after it can be so rewarding.
So I am just realizing now that the wait is one of these rewarding adversaries that I value. I am so impressed with the transformation it has brought me.
The best part is that I know this is just the beginning of my transformation. There is so much more now that I know I want and that I know I can do and I feel like I am just beginning to understand what is TRULY important, and every other thing is just melting away.

I am no super hero, I still ache every minute of every day for my daughter. Nothing is soothing my pain and I do not expect any thing will ever, but I know that I am learning and growing and that in of its self is cause for awe, pride and respect.

1:57 PM

Rough day

Okay warning I am emotional today and I am sick and full of cold pills. But still the real me would not let those previous mentioned items interfier with a normal day. But the thing is I am not my normal self right now.

First I thought I was crazy because I have been waking up in the middle of the night because I "hear" a baby crying. Not my son's cry because I know that one, it's a different cry. I wake up, I feel sad, I miss baby girl and then I go back to sleep.

We had sent another care package on Christmas day and we were very disappointed to hear back that we would not be getting any updates or photos because it was "too soon". I was counting on new photos to get me through January. Any ways today we did get some answers to some of the questions we asked. I had asked if Elora was doing any thing new since we sent the last package. They told me that she is now calling for Mama.


Yep. That is the sound of my heart breaking.

I am a mess today. I try to tell myself what good news this is that she is learning and developing. We sent her an album with all our photos in it to help her prepare for the big day, maybe she is even thinking of our faces when she asks for Mama, maybe it means we will not be such a shock to her when we see her for the first time. Maybe she is just trying out new sounds and it means nothing.

Or maybe my baby needs me half a world away and I feel it and she feels it and there is nothing I can do.

Since I read that email I have not gone a single hour with out crying. I am hopping this just needs to get out of my system and that tomorrow I can wait with a tiny amount of patience again.

Mommy hears you. Mommy's coming.

4:54 PM

The year in review

I have been answering these same questions about the new year for 15 years now. Ya some of the questions sound like something a teen would ask... I considered looking for a new list, but my love of tradition and consistency won out and voila, this year's year in review:


1.What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

I became a full time driver with a licence and car and everything.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I wrote down any resolutions, so I am not sure if I got them done or not.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Seems like a lot of people close to me did, lots of babies in my universe these days.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No one close to me did, but there were some children who I never met who I read about only, and they died, and it was shattering for me. I guess it is always so sad when life ends too early.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just my mountains in NY.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Last year I wished for more time, and I got it. I got the good part of time and I got the hard part of time too. This year I wish for peace. Peace in my heart, patience and an end to the soul sucking waiting.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Getting the call that baby girl was allowed to be ours. I have never sighed so deeply in all my life. I also did not know that a person could hold their breath for 2 whole days, but after those words I took what felt like my first breath in 48 hours.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Last years statement of "the rare day I got 3 square meals into Emery and neither of us cried." still holds true and high on my list of achievements. I have had a lot of success at work this year too. I came to be pretty proud and confident about my skills, after years of being pretty ambivalent towards work, I got pretty pumped this year about the impact I have made.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I have not managed to live in the moment and smell the roses this year. I have wished too many of my days away.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I have been pretty darn healthy. I credit my lax attitude towards germs.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I really curbed my shopping this year, I did not buy much of any thing. I am really happy with Emery's new bed and the crib sheets I got for Elora, both awesome deals and exactly what I had been dreaming of.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Jack Layton. Completely unjust that he died, life can be sucky.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Bunch of people showed me their true colours this year. Worst part is that this is just the start of more to come I think.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Savings.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My first updated photos of Elora.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Jet Lag - Simple Plan

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder

ii. thinner or fatter? Same

iii. richer or poorer? Same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

travelling yes this has been on my wish list for too many years now :(

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fretting

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We had a lot of celebrations leading up to Christmas and then we were just complete sloths the rest of the time. I enjoyed it. Emery really got the whole idea of the holiday this year. It was really great, but I missed baby girl so many times.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

I fell in love with my Elora.

23. How many one-night stands?

Zero, that was so 2001. See what I mean about the irrelevant questions :)

24. What was your favorite TV program?

I think I liked True Blood best this year, or So you think you can dance, because I love love love watching this as a family.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I have not been with out hate this year. It's typically not my style, but I have been short on patience this year. Real short.

26. What was the best book you read?

Silent Tears by Kay Bratt so valuable to me and left my heart, mind and stomach in knots.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Just how many love songs apply to my love for my kids.

28. What did you want and get?

I got our match with Elora, and I got welcomed with open arms into the sisterhood of adoptive moms. You know we all start this journey from worlds apart, but there is something about the wait that bridges all gaps and unifies the mothers who wait. You gals have been my insight, my rock, my saviours, my cheerleaders and the ones who just get it. I have never been in a sorority before but now I feel like I am and I am so glad to be there.

29. What did you want and not get?

Nothing at all.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Mao's last dancer was pretty good.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32 and we had an amazing night out at Cirque du Soleil. Followed by date night at a murder mystery diner theatre. It was a great birthday.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?

If we had got Elora home for Christmas. A girl can dream right?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I went for sexy granny and "vintage" finds to make a work look that was uniquely me and fit my budget.

34. What kept you sane?

This blog.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jack Layton

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The federal election.

37. Who did you miss?

I missed Elora. I was just full of missing her, before I ever knew her, and still more now.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Stacy!!! and Amy!!!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

I have immeasurable strength, just when I thought I could not do it any more, I did, and then I did something even harder the next day. I felt so weak so many times, but I really want to remember this lesson, because I think I will need it in 2012.

Happy New Year!!!

7:12 PM

LOA in 19 Days.



Yes you read that correctly, we were notified that our LOA (LSC) had arrived via an email from our agency on Christmas Eve. No kidding, that was the best gift I ever got. After I picked my jaw off the floor and read and re-read the email a thousand times, I just could not believe the speed of it. I sort of did not even believe it was real until I had the original in my hot little hands yesterday. Hence the late post on this. I think the explanation for the supper fast speed was that my file was working it's way through the pile the whole time we were waiting for a match. We had a record breaking long wait on that end, so I guess that explains the record short wait on this end. Now we just wait for a travel date (TA) and then we book flights!
I am trying to keep busy but post holiday blues have hit home and the next 60(ish) days loom before me like a prison sentence.